Reflection..

Haven't blogged in a while- ages actually.. don't know why.. perhaps I didn't find the motivation? Is it only inspiration that drives us to do something? I don't know... but something overcame me yesterday...-realization..this is it.. like someone took a part of me.. just tore it into shreds.. and im standing there.. looking at the pieces on the floor.. of what's become.. of what's left.. nothing but a still photograph.. as you fade into the background of their lives..

Always looking back.. why?

Staring at my own reflection in the mirror, a sunken feeling at the pit of my stomach.. Cliche as it sounds, I do wonder..who stares back at me? Why am i this way? Why do I always find sadness ..Why do i see sadness in everything I do.. Seems like i'm living by a set of rules i'm desperately trying to unwrite..But i'm trying to run, I honestly am... These feelings do suppress me..overwhelm me at times..

I'm constantly refreshing the page just to find something..an indication? Hidden behind the safety of a screen, staring at a piece..

I'm always trying to please, impress.. but who am i fooling? Constantly telling myself that i'm living a lie..

I do find moments of clarity at times, when I'm hanging out with friends.. people I admire.. people who give me laughter.. thoughts contained...emotions neutral at times like these..

love you guys <3
Vision's hazy, path is unclear, thoughts flailing.. watching days pass, hoping that conceptions will change with time.. so that I will find strength and a sense of content..


Sorry about the nonsensical surge of thoughts..